Thursday, November 18

Blue-state liberals hate the family and want to destroy it with equality for women and gay marriage; we red-state conservatives love our families

Daria at Daria's Life describes how red-state conservatives have fun in the middle of the night:

Last night around 2am Brigs woke up totally inconsolable. I took him downstairs finally, tucked him under a cozy blanket and turned on a quiet Care-bears show for him to watch. When I went back up to bed Nathan was totally giggling away. I wondered what I had done that was soo funny to him. He then jokingly saying “Anybody wanna go for a Swim?” and starts laughing hysterically. I had no idea what he was talking about at all, was he using this as some strange pick up line on me? I decided to use my brilliant powers of reasoning and deduction and asked “What?!!!”

He then says “Hey don’t look at me, you designed the Protocol!!" (followed by more giddy laughter). I was laughing too, I had no idea what my husband was talking about but the fact that he found himself so amusing was hilarious to me. Then I said “Honey, is this one of your 1/2 asleep, 1/2 awake conversations?”

To which the reply was “Well, it’s not anymore you wacko!!” Then he giggled again and rolled over snoring before he could say anything else.

Um - yea and I’m the WACKO!!!

Eat your hearts out blue-state liberal theater people: this is the true heartlands theater of the absurd!

Blue-state liberals care about original ideas and critical thinking; we red-state conservatives care about getting right with God

Robin Christian (there's a great red-state name for you!) at Edifying the TRUE feminine spirit writes good advice for good red-state Christian women whose last names are NOT Christian:

Men are simple: they want respect from their women, they want us to love them and they want us to feed them. You have feelings - men have feelings too. They just don't express them like we do. I guarantee you (from experience) that if you start going out of your way to please him then he will walk through fire for you. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Submit to your own husbands as you would submit to the Lord. If the Lord lived in your house in the flesh, and He wanted something done a certain way you would do it, wouldn't you? You'd want Him happy, right? Why don't you want your husband to be deliriously happy?!

Remember that list of what simple Christian men want from women: respect, love, and food. Not sex! That's what corrupt blue-state liberal men want from their cold Hillary Clinton professional wives and girlfriends (sometimes both at the same time). They also don't want to cook for us girls, because it's in the Bible somewhere, "wives, cook for your husbands." Do all the cooking and cleaning, take care of the kids, and do everything in your power to please the man of the house, because he is your Jesus. Don't just make him happy; make him deliriously happy! But, you know, a kind of quiet and calm delirium, not the kind of out-of-control ecstatic delirium that blue-state liberals go in for. A heartlands kind of delirium.

Blue-state liberals care about spelling and punctuation and grammar; we red-state conservatives care about having our hearts in the right place

Bear at How You Daaahhh" writes an impassioned Alabaman blogger's manifesto, throwing caution and spelling and punctuation to the winds:

I'm not mad or frustrated I'm just voicing my opinion. I don't think that I've ever been told how it was by a Right Wing-Nut. They deffinently voiced their opinion a time or two , but none of them have ever told me how it was because they don't all know for sure. To my good buddy OSJ.....My friend you have exemplified what this sight is all about....The freedom to speak one's mind and creating conversation.

A website is, after all, a sight for soar ice! And while most red-staters would spell definitely "defiantly," because they do so adamantly defy the liberal elite and activist judges that would impose stupid restrictive spelling rules on them, Bear goes with "deffinently," because he's into rap and likes to be deff to blue-state liberal voices.

Bear is also a strong red-state proponent of evasive vagueness: you can't pin us down with invasive liberal demands for clarity of thought! That's a sure-fire recipe for disaster right there. "I don't think that I've ever been told how it was by a Right Wing-Nut": see how "it" works there to distract any liberal attacker's attention from the prize, so that the red-state conservative can squeak through unseen? "They deffinently voiced their opinion a time or two , but none of them have ever told me how it was because they don't all know for sure": just try and pin Bear down on this one, liberals!

Wednesday, November 17

Blue-state liberals care about original ideas and critical thinking; we red-state conservatives care about getting right with God

Paul at Paul's Ponderings ponders pleasure: "One of the great lies the human race has believed from the Beginning is that pleasure is found outside of morality. It is this idea that pleasure is found in breaking the rules and living the moment." Morality is a great corral, people; and like many cattle we huddle inside the fences and start imagining that there is pleasure OUTSIDE. This is a lie--as Paul says, one of the great lies that we've believed from the Beginning, which is to say, the Garden of Eden, 6000 years ago. He goes on:

Morality seems to stand in the way of pleasure. Morality tells us not to get drunk or high. Morality tells us that sex should be between a man and a woman, and then only within the bounds of marriage. Morality says to be a servant to other people, even though it sacrifices your personal time and money. Morality seems dull compared to the party. How can pleasure come through doing the right thing?

The trick is, though, to find pleasure in dullness! It's not just morality that says be a servant to other people; it's pleasure too! Morality (I think that's the "it" Paul's talking about) sacrifices your personal time and money, but don't think of it as a sacrifice; think of it as a pleasure! See how that works? If you have homosexual longings, and every time you have sex with your wife (in the missionary position in the total dark no more than once a month) you fantasize about the hard abs and tight buns and raspy cheeks of that tennis instructor down at the club, convince yourself that your truest pleasure comes in the tedium of marital sex with a woman--a woman who happens to be your wife! Don't take pleasure in getting knee-walking drunk and singing Norwegian whaling songs in some seedy sailors' bar while some toothless floozy spends your money; take pleasure in singing hymns in church on a Sunday morning, dressed up in your best clothes and with nowhere in particular to go after the service!

This is the true red-state morality: taking pleasure in life inside the corral! If you can't find pleasure in doing the right thing, over and over, you shouldn't be feeling pleasure at all! That impulse you feel toward novelty, excitement, liberation from the grind is from Satan: suppress it! Think of the grind as the greatest thing of all!

Blue-state liberals hate the family and want to destroy it with equality for women and gay marriage; we red-state conservatives love our families

Desi at Bipolar Diary writes that her depression has been aggravated this last weekend by a bout of bronchitis:

I spend the entire weekend coughing, sleeping and feeling sick. I have acute bronchitis. It looks like it'll take a week before I am back to normal. I missed church and the membership class on Sunday. I was very sick and I didnt go out anywhere. Hmm, so I guess I wont get baptized before Christmas. I guess thats the Lord's will.

I didnt speak with my parents this week. Hubby has disconnected the webcam and doesnt allow me to login to the instant messanger. His rationale - I get more depressed after I speak with my parents. I am not sure not speaking with them is the answer though.

Hang in there, Desi! And remember what Paul wrote to the Ephesians (5:22): "Wives, obey your husbands." Hubby is your head, just as Jesus is the head of the church. If he has made decisions about what you will and will not be allowed to do, don't you start questioning his judgment: he is your Jesus, the head of your household! And above all, don't listen to those carping sneering blue-state liberals who go on and on about how women's depression is caused by this Scriptural submission to their husbands in everything, and that since the women's movement depression--once the number-one complaint among American women--has dropped way down in the statistics of women's disorders. That's just pseudoscience, Desi! It's atheistic Freudianism, not good straight-up Biblical creationism! There is absolutely no way on God's green earth that your husband's concern for your welfare and willingness to make the big decisions about your life is causing your depression! Put that thought right out of your cute little head! After all, remember: your husband is your head!

Redbird at The Light speaks up against the slow destruction of marriage in this fine country of ours:

Hollywood is winning the losing battle - the battle of destroying the insitution of marriage in America. It severely bothers me to watch the news and see another hollywood star getting a divorce or annulment after just a few hours, days, or months. I am married, and I know that marriage takes commitment and work. It is not something to be entered into lightly. I don't believe in pre-nuptial agreements because if you need a pre-marriage contract, then you shouldn't be getting married in the first place. Marriage is meant to be a life-long commitment between a man and a woman. Anything else goes against the designs of God. Unfortunately, a liberal court system and has forced the issue of homosexual marriage upon us all. I will not have morality dictated to me by unelected, unaccountable officials. I voted against homosexual marriage here in Georgia. Besides homosexual marriage, the hollywood sham marriages that take place so often are doing a huge dishonor to the institution of marriage because they are highly visible people that set examples for many people in America. Its sad that they choose to live their lives so openly in defiance of strong morals.

This is good red-state morality, brothers and sisters! It's not just gay marriage that's against God's design--it's divorce, annulments, and prenuptial agreements, too, and the liberal court system that is ramming these things down our throats! Think about it: if it weren't for unelected judges forcing their liberal agenda on America, men and women would get married and stay married till death did them part. They would have no choice but to live their lives in accordance with strong morals! And homosexuals either wouldn't exist or wouldn't think that it's okay to strut their immorality in front of God and everybody. The courts are essentially legislating immoral freedoms, which is to say license--without due representation!

In this connection I can't help but remember the wonderful remark I heard a good conservative woman make in church here in Mississippi a few months ago. "If we legalize gay marriage," she said, "where will the next generation come from?" Think about it, brothers and sisters: all that keeps us all from the immoral horrors of homosexuality is the ban on gay marriage! If we let activist liberal judges take that protection away from us, we'll all go gay!

Tuesday, November 16

Blue-state liberals hate the family and want to destroy it with equality for women and gay marriage; we red-state conservatives love our families

Rachel at Bitchalicious Chicks for Bush loves her husband Gary. This is what she wrote to him in a post entitled "Dear Gary":

I love you Baby. Thankyou for being an absolute wonderful husband while me and mom run around shopping here and shopping there and you're just taking it like a champ.

You didn't even argue about giving up that nice comfy bed for mom. You didn't argue when we sat down to watch chick flicks and sob.

You're the best. I never want to lose you. I love you so much. :)

Rachel does a lot of shopping, in fact. Most of her posts are about what stores she went to with what friend and what they bought there. Recently she has been to Tuesday Morning, IKEA, and Lori's, and spent hundreds of dollars. Way to go, Rachel! That's what makes this country great, spending money on consumer items! It doesn't really matter what you buy--whether it's a crystal punch bowl, a cat food dish, or Laura Ashley slippers--so long as you're out there circulating the currency! Keeping those ones and zeroes hopping! And look how understanding Gary is about all this--of course, because he knows that women have to shop! He must have the Lord in his heart too. This is the kind of red-state conservative who votes for George Bush, because George Bush is on the side of big business!

Blue-state liberals care about original ideas and critical thinking; we red-state conservatives care about getting right with God

Michelle Potter at #!/usr/bin/mom attended a rally at a Planned Parenthood clinic the other day. She didn't want to go in, because she found it creepy that inside that building people were killing fetuses just like the one in her womb. So she stayed outside and thought the following thoughts, which, you'll notice, are not obsessed with originality or complexity like blue-state liberals would be, but are focused on the old important issue of getting right with God:

most of the people there were standing in a group praying the rosary. i stood with them for a minute, but it wasn't really working for me. if i was going to pray i wanted to have a conversation with god, not just say the rosary. but i'm sure they did some good, because prayer is prayer.

i ended up standing by a man who had a sign that said "the baby leaped in her womb" from luke 1:41. i didn't have a sign, but he said the witness of just being there, especially with my babies, meant something.

so we stood there and watched women walk into the clinic, and one woman stood by the gate and prayed for each one. eventually the boys were cranky and we had to leave.

lord, i pray that our witness made some difference and was good in your sight.

See? Prayer is prayer, and is bound to do some good. The witness of just being there, especially with your babies, means something. What more basic wisdom is there than that? What profits the blue-state liberal who thinks critically about such ideas, who sneers at the "vague weak-mindedness" of "do some good" and "means something"? Nothing at all.

Blue-state liberals care about spelling and punctuation and grammar; we red-state conservatives care about having our hearts in the right place

Sebastin at Sebastin's Site exudes sincerity on an issue close to the hearts of red-state conservatives: love between a man and a woman. He is so caught up in his sincerity, in fact, that minor things like plurals and possessives become overwhelmingly unimportant--as they should be! The only possessive that matters in the end is the emotional one that makes sure your special someone isn't stepping out on you! And the only plural that counts is the two that a man and woman make when joined in the bonds of holy matrimony:

I have been asking this question for the past few month's, I am stilll unable to conclude, I have even tried plucking petal from a flower asking "I am in Love, I am Not", the last petal is always left in the flower.

I might be the only one guy on earth who has not even asked the girl wheather she likes me or not, and make plans about everything else. Yes I know that its a mistake, but I dont have any other way to go. Each ane every moment in my life does not go through without her thoughts, yes there are times when I have never thought of her. When I am sleeping.

Will I still have her, when I have made my desicion?

Let's See.

God wants you to have her, Sebastin! Remember, no matter what a loser you are, or even what a loser she is, God has given her to you--so as the Beatles sang, go and get her!

Monday, November 15

Blue-state liberals hate the family and want to destroy it with equality for women and gay marriage; we red-state conservatives love our families

I Whined at Wedding Thoughts is getting married. Congratulations, I Whined! That's the kind of thing we red-state conservatives love to hear--another marriage! We know what blue-state liberals would think: another divorce in the making! Because they're so negative. But listen to I Whined's simple Christian love for her hubby-to-be:

He was all right yesterday, he was all right today until when we were on our way to dinner with his parent. There is something wrong with his car which something it feels like dying it engine, but this has been occuring quite often.

His car feels like dying it engine again. This time, he bang his hand so hard on the steering wheel that my heart beat stop for a second. Then his face turns black all the way through the dinner. My face was black too. I hate to remind myself that I got to marry this man with sudden mood swing in another 1 months, 2 weeks time.

You just stick to it, I Whined! Don't let Satan or liberals stand in the way of your wedded bliss! You can make it--it's only one months and two weeks! Keep your eye on the prize, and forget about all those little typing booboos! They don't matter one little bit!

Blue-state liberals care about original ideas and critical thinking; red-state conservatives care about getting right with God

Tim at Broadcasting Daily Via the World Wide Web is dedicated to "putting the fun in fundamentalism." And we in the red states agree: fundamentalism can be fun! This is something that blue-state liberals just don't get. Tim is a thinker, but note that he isn't a blue-state liberal original or critical thinker: he devotes his brain cells to the familiar, the conventional, the orthodox. This is good red-state thinking, Tim!

First he takes us through a dictionary definition of "witness"; then he really gets down to brass tacks:

Having examined what a witness is, I realize I have been hypocritical, for, as we just saw, an effective witness must also have a consistent life. If I want to be a good witness I need to avoid not only writing about such things, but also avoid exposing myself to them. Perhaps if I am watching those movies and shows I should just write about them rather than hide them away and pretend I am above them. It is difficult being a good witness and it is easy to become pharisaical about it. Yet God calls us to complete purity – partial purity still involves some level of impurity that discredits our witness.
God make me pure, so I can be the most effective witness for You!

Go Tim!

Blue-state liberals care about spelling and punctuation and grammar; red-state conservatives care about having our hearts in the right place

u-set at Ask Questions Get Answers shows liberals how irrelevant the mechanics of writing are:

A bunch of churches are shutting down due to the scandals of those pedifilers..Well they brought it on themselves..One priest been raping little boys since the 70's...for this kind of behaviour i don't see how people are even Christian...i don't here about buda monks molesting children or a rabbi having little boys in there chambers or muselms suck on little boys penises...i think its sick to use the lords name to manipulate children's minds on having sex with these men...this world is sick and the Christians on top of the food chain...i haven't done a study but i bet you a million or so if i had it that the majority of sex crimes and murders are done by christians...prove me wrong fellow jesus followers...Morals..Remember that word christians..thats what this election was all about..what kind of f#$%ing Moral value do you really have when you have constant priest raping your little boys and girls them sick f%^*ers. I have to stop, this is pissing me off..anyway prove me wrong and go with god.

p.s. if i spelled pedifiler wrong oh well..i tried to look it up on google and they act like the word does not exisit..hhhmm, i wonder if google are christian followers....hahahaha...

A blue-state liberal would probably spell that "pedophile"--they care about things like Greek roots, and whether the word refers to children or feet! And, of course, whether there's an R on the end of that word at all. We here in the red states LOVE words like "pedifiler"--they're closer to the ordinary values of ordinary people than big fancy Greekified words like "pedophile."

We were so impressed by u-set's attitude, in fact, that we contacted him. He replied:

Thanks for the correction but im not concerned with my spelling as long as you get it that's all i need...i failed all my english courses and it shows but you know what else i speak 2 languges so the enlish language can kiss my ass...i also build computers and deal with the nerdiest sh%$ you will ever mess with when it comes to computers...everyone is a critic...i guess you've proven that. Anal is anoying

Yes it is, u-set! I'll bet it's even annoying when building computers! Who cares about all the piddly shit, right? What goes where, whether all the tiny little parts are in their right places. Screw mechanics--that's our motto here in the red states. If you start insisting on putting everything tiny little thing in its right place, then you're talking government regulation--and then, you know, it's no longer possible for ordinary folks to blog or build computers, because you have to have some kinda LICENSE to do anything, and that's tyranny!