Thursday, November 18, 2004

Thursday, November 18

Blue-state liberals hate the family and want to destroy it with equality for women and gay marriage; we red-state conservatives love our families

Daria at Daria's Life describes how red-state conservatives have fun in the middle of the night:

Last night around 2am Brigs woke up totally inconsolable. I took him downstairs finally, tucked him under a cozy blanket and turned on a quiet Care-bears show for him to watch. When I went back up to bed Nathan was totally giggling away. I wondered what I had done that was soo funny to him. He then jokingly saying “Anybody wanna go for a Swim?” and starts laughing hysterically. I had no idea what he was talking about at all, was he using this as some strange pick up line on me? I decided to use my brilliant powers of reasoning and deduction and asked “What?!!!”

He then says “Hey don’t look at me, you designed the Protocol!!" (followed by more giddy laughter). I was laughing too, I had no idea what my husband was talking about but the fact that he found himself so amusing was hilarious to me. Then I said “Honey, is this one of your 1/2 asleep, 1/2 awake conversations?”

To which the reply was “Well, it’s not anymore you wacko!!” Then he giggled again and rolled over snoring before he could say anything else.

Um - yea and I’m the WACKO!!!

Eat your hearts out blue-state liberal theater people: this is the true heartlands theater of the absurd!

Blue-state liberals care about original ideas and critical thinking; we red-state conservatives care about getting right with God

Robin Christian (there's a great red-state name for you!) at Edifying the TRUE feminine spirit writes good advice for good red-state Christian women whose last names are NOT Christian:

Men are simple: they want respect from their women, they want us to love them and they want us to feed them. You have feelings - men have feelings too. They just don't express them like we do. I guarantee you (from experience) that if you start going out of your way to please him then he will walk through fire for you. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Submit to your own husbands as you would submit to the Lord. If the Lord lived in your house in the flesh, and He wanted something done a certain way you would do it, wouldn't you? You'd want Him happy, right? Why don't you want your husband to be deliriously happy?!

Remember that list of what simple Christian men want from women: respect, love, and food. Not sex! That's what corrupt blue-state liberal men want from their cold Hillary Clinton professional wives and girlfriends (sometimes both at the same time). They also don't want to cook for us girls, because it's in the Bible somewhere, "wives, cook for your husbands." Do all the cooking and cleaning, take care of the kids, and do everything in your power to please the man of the house, because he is your Jesus. Don't just make him happy; make him deliriously happy! But, you know, a kind of quiet and calm delirium, not the kind of out-of-control ecstatic delirium that blue-state liberals go in for. A heartlands kind of delirium.

Blue-state liberals care about spelling and punctuation and grammar; we red-state conservatives care about having our hearts in the right place

Bear at How You Daaahhh" writes an impassioned Alabaman blogger's manifesto, throwing caution and spelling and punctuation to the winds:

I'm not mad or frustrated I'm just voicing my opinion. I don't think that I've ever been told how it was by a Right Wing-Nut. They deffinently voiced their opinion a time or two , but none of them have ever told me how it was because they don't all know for sure. To my good buddy OSJ.....My friend you have exemplified what this sight is all about....The freedom to speak one's mind and creating conversation.

A website is, after all, a sight for soar ice! And while most red-staters would spell definitely "defiantly," because they do so adamantly defy the liberal elite and activist judges that would impose stupid restrictive spelling rules on them, Bear goes with "deffinently," because he's into rap and likes to be deff to blue-state liberal voices.

Bear is also a strong red-state proponent of evasive vagueness: you can't pin us down with invasive liberal demands for clarity of thought! That's a sure-fire recipe for disaster right there. "I don't think that I've ever been told how it was by a Right Wing-Nut": see how "it" works there to distract any liberal attacker's attention from the prize, so that the red-state conservative can squeak through unseen? "They deffinently voiced their opinion a time or two , but none of them have ever told me how it was because they don't all know for sure": just try and pin Bear down on this one, liberals!