Monday, November 29, 2004

Monday, November 29

When there are terrorists to be killed, blue-state liberals wimp out and piss and moan about the Geneva Conventions; we red-state conservatives know that God wants us to do what has to be done to rid the world of these unbelievers once and for all

Jen at Para-Bellum has taken some kind of survey that shows she is a "religious Republican" who helps "make up the conservative, Christian, dedicated core of the Republican Party," believes "it's important for religious people to stand up for their beliefs in politics," and counts among her "pet causes ... the sanctity of life, school vouchers, and prayer in school." And like most red-state conservatives, she doesn't extend the sanctity of life to Muslims:

Hoo-ah. See I knew George and I had something in common other than the fact we both like to see every terrorist get their asses kicked. I'm not ashamed about the idea of having deep Conservative beliefs and I don't pray to God asking Him to forgive sinners (ie - murders) but to deal with them in his own way when they are delivered to the gates of Heaven.

I know that those who are Islamist killers, ala extremists or radicals will not be accepted into Heaven because they killed dozens or thousands of innocent civilians who did nothing wrong but exist.

I believe justice should be carried out swiftly and if we have to play "their" game then they should know that we will be coming to restore democracy to their lands with the same amount of force and more than what they took away.

See? She wants God to "deal with" terrorists in His own way in the afterlife; but in her heart of hearts she knows that He won't let them into heaven, won't forgive them, because they killed innocent people.

And if stopping them means that we have to become just like them--play "their" game--and kill thousands or even hundreds of thousands of innocent people too, well, so be it. That's a true red-state conservative attitude, right there! We have God on our side, so we can play "their" game and kill innocent civilians and still be welcomed into heaven with open arms! So when blue-state liberals whine that Osama bin Laden only killed 4000 innocent Americans and we've killed 100,000 innocent Iraqis in retaliation, they're missing the point, which Jen spells out clearly: our killing is justified because we're "coming to restore democracy to their lands with the same amount of force and more." Same thing when liberals complain that we're violating the Geneva Convention by torturing POWs and deliberately bombing and dropping napalm on civilian targets: it's all justified, because we're restoring democracy to Iraq, and that's what God wants us to do. (Besides, it isn't really napalm; it's Mark 77, a much improved form of jellied gasoline that is much harder to put out than napalm ever was.) And what are the Geneva Conventions, anyway? Aren't they just some namby-pamby liberal gobbledy-gook that says you have to be nice to terrorists?

Blue-state liberals can't make up their minds about things, are always quibbling about complexities and circumstances; we red-state conservatives see things as either black or white

Jeff Blanco at Louisiana Conservative has posted a poll, asking his readers to choose whether he should repost a collection of his own favorite blog posts from the last nine months in January, "as a '2004 year in review,'" or in March, when his blog turns one year old:

Do the "Best of"
for your blog birthday in March
as a "2004 year in review"
I don't see black or white, only shades of gray.


Free polls from

And he comments:

You may have noticed that I put a special answer just for liberals. They don't see things in black or white so they need a "special answer". I thought about trying this in a poll question "Is Bush the Greatest President ever?" with a "Yes" answer and "I only see shades of grey" answer.

Excellent red-state conservative thinking, Jeff! There really is no gray area between "Bush is the greatest president ever" and "Bush is the worst president ever." It is absolutely impossible that he could be only pretty good. In fact, his father George H. W. Bush and Ronald Reagan, too, are either the greatest presidents ever or the worst. There CAN BE no middle ground! Because here in the red states, life just IS that simple!

Tellingly, I showed Jeff's poll to a liberal colleague, and he DIDN'T GET IT. Liberals are so determined to see complexity everywhere that they don't get the simplest things! "How exactly," this colleague complained, "are January and March 'black' and 'white'? And why should anyone give a shit?" What this poor liberal doesn't realize, of course, is that in the red states EVERYTHING comes down to a simple yes-or-no question, black or white, one or zero. There really are only two possible answers to any question you can possibly ask.

For example, if you ask "Should I loan money to friends?", there can only be one answer: yes or no. If you start quibbling, saying it depends on the circumstances, or the amount, then you're opening the door to moral relativism and rampant liberalism. There has to be a single rule that you apply rigidly in all situations, regardless of the complexity of the case. If you've decided that it's a bad policy to loan money to friends, then you MUST NOT loan a friend 35 cents to make a phone call, or $500 to move to another state to start a new job after two years of unemployment. And if you've decided that it's a good policy to loan money to friends, then it doesn't matter how many times your alcoholic best bud wants to borrow $20 to go get wasted on, without ever paying you back once, you have to loan it to him every time.

Seriously, folks: life is simpler here in the red states!